Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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