I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize