how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
