This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
