I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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