I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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