I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
