Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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