bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
