quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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