Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
a search helicopter?!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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