you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
