I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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