My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
