so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
