there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
