I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
