ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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