you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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