the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
