If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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