Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's shark week go big or go home
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
