I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
