I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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