There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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