Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
