you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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