I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
