bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
