I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize