dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
