Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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