Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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