I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
