If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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