i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
