You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
