1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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