Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize