he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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