All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
