i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
