kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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