I can't watch pbs sober anymore
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
