her facebook's as public as her vagina
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
