you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
