Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize