I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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