Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If its not for food we ain't going out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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