I got chris browned last night
grandma shit on top of the toilet
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
