I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
