ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
