I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
