Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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