i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
