haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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