One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
