I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
