My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
