Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize