I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
