i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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