Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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