I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
