My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
