It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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