We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
