Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
