Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
