you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
