two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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