Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize