I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
