I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
