FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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