I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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